Authors

BloodCrypt Keeper

I’ve been watching horror movies ever since I could talk. I’ve always been drawn in by the fact that I wasn’t supposed to watch these films and they showed things that you were instinctively supposed to turn away from. I love the unorthodox and the perverse. There is a special place in my heart for B-movies and I love some methodical terror and gore. I am more likely to give a high grade to a campy shit-storm that is amusing because of nothing other than poor quality than a cookie-cutter box office darling or a sequel from a played out franchise. My two favorite horror movies, and two that I remember seeing early in life are Halloween and The Shining.

I’ll give a movie an A if it accomplishes something special and keeps me thinking about it after it ends. A film will also receive an A if it effectively meditates on or reinvents some aspect of the genre. A movie gets a B if it was entertaining and had re-watch value. A movie gets a C or a D if it was poor but had a scene or two worth the watch or if the intent was there but the other elements were seriously lacking. F is for something that has maybe a single redeeming scene but is otherwise garbage. If I don’t finish a film, or I would rather do something terrible than watch the film again, it gets a UV rating.

Dr. Loomis

My earliest recollection of exposure to the genre was sneaking out of bed to watch Friday the 13th, Part 2 behind my babysitter’s back.  Once I saw that dude in a wheelchair roll down the stairs with a machete stuck through his face, I was hooked for life.

Most horror movies are dumb, so I don’t really hold that against them.  I give bad grades for boring, derivative, lazy trash that doesn’t even provide the basic ingredient of a gore flick: perverse entertainment.

My favorite sub genres include slasher, demon possession, and found footage.  I’m not into torture porn, so if you’re looking for an objective take on the Hostel or any Saw installment since the first one, look elsewhere.

Bleeding Richards

Unlike many of his fellow reviewers, Bleeding “Dick” Richards did not grow up as a fan of horror movies. In fact, for a good part of his life, he was a frightened little BITCH who was too scared to see anything of that genre. He was even hesitant about seeing Ghostbusters, for fuck’s sakes. Still, there was some fascination, as he’d always read the backs of the VHS horror tapes that were for rent at his local grocery store. He also liked it when his friends would tell him what happened in them, letting his imagination run wild. That’s why his non-memories of the Friday the 13th movies are probably much more frightening than your actual memories of them.

When he entered his late teen years, he began to differentiate between fiction and reality and no longer had a problem with horror. While he was able to appreciate classics like The Shining and The Exorcist, he quickly learned that just like any genre, 90 percent of it is pure shit. Actually, with horror, it might be up to 95 percent. Still, 80 percent of that 95 percent can be fun if you watch it with a group of friends and make fun of it as it’s playing.

The Saddest Clown in the World

Has problems but doesn’t blame them on you. Yet.

Case Vagrant

i like cats and i don’t use caps. this took me significantly longer to write than it did to read because i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing.

Big Z

I have been drawn to horror films since my early teens when Bloodcrypt Keeper himself and I would stay up late and watch classics such as Link and Alligator 2. In this time, I have witnessed it all from the classics to the downright horrible, and I can safely say that I fear no horror film regardless of the budget, the acting or the fatness of the women. I have a particular affinity for 70’s and 80’s Italian horror cinema (Bava and Fulci) as well as any horror movie starring a former or current professional wrestler or failed B-level celebrity. If you were ever associated with the production companies Full Moon, Asylum, or Brain Damage Films, and helped them produce a movie an any way from 1999 – 2004, you and I can not be friends.

Joey Moorehouse

I’ve been a fan of horror movies for as long as I’ve known scary movies existed. The first one I can remember seeing is evil dead 2. I remember watching the deer head laughing at Ash and thinking to myself “I’m going to have nightmares about this for years.”

I’ll give a movie a review based on my reactions to it throughout. My lowest grade will be F- meaning not only did it totally fail as a movie but it was so bad that I am emotionally upset by just how awful it was.

A movie will only get a UV if I don’t finish it… Meaning I will usually dislike moves that get an F- more than ones I give a UV.

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