REVIEW: Bloodlust Zombies (2011)

bloodlust_zombies

Bloodlust Zombies: F

Here, we have one of those films that tries to tap a very niche audience by taking a classic horror concept and making it extremely XXX sexual.

Alexis Texas is a voluptuous porn star in real life who plays a voluptuous lab worker who aggressively wags her ass around at her myopic boss until they can’t help themselves and they start pounding away in an office building which also houses a laboratory that is conducting some classified genetics-tampering weapons campaign.

In some of Ms. Texas’s other films, this would be what the whole movie is about and then it would end. But this is the 80 minutes long Bloodlust Zombies, so they have to have some other stuff in there besides that pounding.

The Alexis Texas pounding was an inevitable part of the movie that showcases her talents from adult film, but the scene is also brilliant foreshadowing for the magnitude of irresponsibility of people who work in this fucking building. The scientists fuck up and accidentally release a virus and Alexis Texas’s colleagues turn into “bloodlust zombies,” very cheap-looking undead with an appetite for brains and (I’m serious) sex. They are sort of like the zombies in Shivers but they are more biters than they are rapers.

Alexis Texas runs around and screams while zombies try to molest and/or eat her for about an hour. There are some bad jokes. That’s pretty much it.

There is some Teen Ape level production and some extremely feeble carnage. The zombies succeed with some hideous (because of how cheap it looks) molest-murder combos and Texas does her job: scream, squirm in terror, and work up the courage to start chopping up zombies. You probably expected her to suck in this movie, but she is actually no worse than many actresses who play her archetype.

F, but I have seen much worse. Just watch the trailer and you can probably skip the movie…

 

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