The Rover: A

Have you ever thought “I’d like to see a movie that:

• Takes the best parts of “Of Mice and Men” and
• Combines it with “The Road Warrior” and also
• Throws in some nods to T2? And then
• Adds a touch of Old Yeller and is also
• Smart enough to include a midget throwing rocks at dogs just as HI-larious background atmosphere? And also has
• The molesty vampire from “Twilight” playing a dumb fuckin hick from the southern part of the great USA? And also
• He has comically bad teeth and is also
• Dying of a gunshot wound.”?

I know I have.

Well somebody else did too and some Australian film executive did enough blow one day to agree to finance it. And it turns out pretty good.

It’s set in Australia “ten years after the collapse”. The main characters are Memento (from Memento) and (as I said) the molesty vampire from Twilight. First, Memento gets his car stolen and he really wants it back. For a good reason actually but telling would spoil it. When he’s looking for it, he runs into Twilight.

Twilight might be playing a mentally challenged guy, or maybe the writer thinks that everyone from the south is that dumb or that might just be the way Twilight is in general because I’ve never seen one of his movies.

But…brass tacks: Twilight’s a real dumbfuck, and Memento takes Twilight under his wing and helps Twilight with the bullet that’s in him (which is NOT good for him). Then Memento also teaches Twilight how to do some things that ARE good for him. And Twilight’s good at some things like getting a broke car running, and they bond some.

It’s a cat and mouse chase across the nuclear desert and Memento is totally fuckin relentless going after the car thieves and there’s lots of very logical interesting twists and turns. Then there’s a big brouhaha at the end which is actually pretty emotionally taxing because the characters are drawn so well that you sympathize with everyone.

And it’s hella badass too. Like guns and stuff going off and people hiding and having multiple stand-offs and double-crosses and people are crying and flinching when they pull the trigger on the people they kill because it makes them sad to kill but they have to kill because they’re sick of being treated this way and they love the person they’re killing but the guy they’re killing is a total fuck and they finally just have to accept that and kill the fuck.

Yep. All that happens. And the above is a grammatically correct sentence.

So to sum up: This is Memento in the Nuclear Outback except Memento has his memory and is searching for a car and has a bleeding retard (or maybe just a southerner) as a side kick.

And the end-end’s pretty clever too. We all love Shaggy Dog stories!