The Rite: D+

The Rite? More like The Wrong (see what I did there?)!

This movie tried to take three things everyone loves about exorcism movies and beat the audience over the head with them.
1. Skeptical priest who needs his faith to defeat evil
2. Possessed host-bodies crunching and crumpling as demon force contorts them.
3. Demon voices coming from possessed innocent mouths, saying demented shit.

Hopkins is in it and it seems like he could care less. He delivers the standard lines you hear in every exorcism movie about the power of Christ blah-blah-blah while wearing an adorable sun hat. Rutger Hauer is in it. Did you know that they have both played Van Helsing? Well they have. I wish I could just write about that, but I should probably stick to this garbage exorcism movie.

No decent scares, even for an exorcism movie. There are some jump scares, but they barely work. There is a possessed horse, which is stupid, but would make a great scene in Scary Movie 6.

If you are into carbon copy wannabe Exorcist movies, you might like it. You know the deal: building jump-scares until the final showdown with the demon.

Your mother sucks cocks in Hell, this film sucks cocks on Earth.