Blade 2: C

I thought since Guillermo del Toro directed this that there might be some cool monsters or something in it. There are. But the vampires in this are the biggest fucking pussy vampires I have ever seen. The Twilight guy is more powerful than these things.

The movie is about these monsters called “Reapers,” who look like elderly albino guys with blue contacts and CGI mouths, who feed on vampires. The movie is also about Blade again, the vampire who kills vampires. Now we have these vampires who kill other vampires, including the vampire who already spent the last movie killing other vampires. Everyone in this movie wants to kill everyone else in the movie. It’s a big triangle – maybe an octagon, actually -of vampire/kung-fu violence.

The plot has more holes than Snipes’s IRS docket, but the story isn’t the point. The characters are pawns pushed into situations of inevitable vampire carnage. It’s one of those “we have to join forces” movies with a bunch of double-crossing. The fight scenes were not my favorite. They are all highly stylized in the same way that the Underworld movies are. People flip around, defy physics, and deliver more one-liners than Schwarzenegger in Running Man. Blade gives someone a vertical suplex. I love that move!

There is gore. You’ll see. The movie isn’t incredible but it was way better than Blade 3 which made me want to drive stakes through my eyes.

Ron Perlman is in it. He is Blade’s vampire foil character who spends most of the most smirking, growling, and getting in Blade’s face. You won’t care when he dies.

See it if you are bored or if you liked the first one.