Mr. Brooks: F

Mr. Boring. Just awful. If you are in the mood to watch some bullshit, here it is.

Costner plays an un-scary Patrick Bateman-like popular yuppie by day, schizophrenic serial killer by night. He winds up taking another psycho under his wing and they kill people. I think the writers were going for a dark character study with this one but the tortoise-like pace and lack of chemistry between Costner and Dane Cook put me to sleep. Mr. Brooks’ arguments with his sinister alternate personality are externalized as his id appears in the form of some annoying dude for like a thousand of these “debate” scenes.

Demi Moore is the best part of this movie. You can quote me on that. She is a hot-shot cop who sniffs around the old murder files and starts to pick up on Brooks’ shit.

SPOILER: One of the reasons the movie didn’t get a UV: Mr. Brooks outsmarts Dane Cook and murders the fuck out of him with a shovel.

I guarantee that you’ll see every kill coming a mile away and the dialogue is fake as hell. No one talks like the people in this movie. Even the deranged Brooks debates about murder are goofy as fuck:

“Finding someone you think would be fun to kill is a bit like, well it’s a bit like falling in love. You meet a lot of candidates, and you like some of them, and they’re nice. But they’re not right. And that special one comes along, and your heart beats faster, and you know that’s the one.”

If you thought that was “deep,’ you should check this film out. You’ll probably have an existential meltdown when Dane Cook works some of his jokes into the movie.