The Bundy Curse is real. 

Boston Strangler: The Untold Story: F

“What’s Bud Bundy up to?” someone probably asked one time. Well, in 2008 he was in this waste of time movie that was so awful it made me want to go on my own strangling spree.

Bud plays Albert, a guy who reminds me of Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull, but only in that one scene where Jake complains about his dinner and throws plates around, not any scenes where he is tough/interesting/emotional. Just imagine the scene where Jake LaMotta doesn’t like his steak, but it’s Bud Bundy and he’s totally unbelievable/unintimidating and the other actors are probably unpaid interns and all you can think about doing is choking the life out of a string of innocent victims.

Albert has that look on his face that Bud would get on Married With Children when he would trick one of Kelly Bundy’s friends into bending over or something (JUST DRIVING THE STUDIO AUDIENCE WILD!) for pretty much the entire movie. You know, the smirk that comes with rubbing his palms together. God, I just wanna strangle when I see that look now.

This movie is based on a true story: There was a Boston Strangler IRL and this guy Albert claimed to be him. However, there is a lot of speculation surrounding the legitimacy of his confession. And so someone decided to dramatize these events and rely on the acting of Bud Bundy to bring it all home. Way to go, everyone involved.

I can think of a bunch of other true crime / washed up actor combos that would have been way better, even if shot on a shoestring budget (which this most certainly was):

• “Jeffery Dahmer: The Untold Story” starring Chandler Bing
• “Zodiac Killer: The Untold Story” starring Cousin Balkie
• “Nightstalker: The Untold Story” starring Dean Cain
• “BTK Killer: The Untold Story” starring Kurtwood Smith

You could make any of the above movies with like $20,000 and it would have been better than “Bud Bundy Smirks in a Tanktop Featuring Strangling.”

The film also focuses on the passionate police shenanigans of a paint-by-numbers hardass detective who tries to figure out if Bud Bundy is really a killer. Guess what? It’s boring and there is nothing anyone can do to convince me that this actor cared about this movie at all. Plus, he is smirking the whole time too! If you thought Bud Bundy made you want lock eyes with someone while you lethally squeeze their neck, how do you think you’re going to feel if the fucking subplot to that is this other smirking guy (played by the guy who was the original Wishmaster) getting annoyed with due process and police work?

I’m really trying to think of something nice to put in this paragraph, but the movie is just the worst. The only reason it doesn’t get a UV is because of the morbid curiosity factor regarding Bud Bundy and what he is up to.