REVIEW: Looker (1981)

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Looker D+

Hi there. The Clown is back. Sorry for the layoff, but this movie gave me fucking writers block.

In Looker, Albert Finney plays a plastic surgeon who usually works on “television models”. Most of them keep coming back to get more surgeries because they think they’re not perfect enough. But he has ethics so he’s all “No, you look great already”. And you can tell he means it because there’s an obvious subtext that tells you he’s most likely banging these models-or at the very least whacking it to their surgery reference pictures.

But he’s also a father figure. You can tell the way he looks across the desk at the model in the first scene. He’s all concerned about her self-esteem, and she looks back at him, needing his approval. Now, this daddy-issue psycho-sexual confusion subtext would be a total turn-on, but you get pulled out of it because of the words the people say when they’re acting.

Anyway, these models won’t take no for an answer. They keep asking, telling Dr. Daddy they need the procedure, and they need him to give it to them. So he’s all, “Okay, fuck it” and he gives it to them and then is like “Here’s your bill.”

Then a bunch of these models start killing themselves because this guy has a ray gun that makes them do that. And then Dr. Daddy realizes that all these models look the same due to his procedures and suspects there’s a connection. So he goes to find Lorie Partridge, who is a model too. He thinks she is the next one to die. So he tries to save her…by taking her to his lake house. And she’s totally into him too, because if you remember, there was never a Mr. Partridge-just that manager guy. Daddy issues.

They start to investigate what’s up and then the ray gun guy comes after them. And you find out the ray gun can do other things like make people forget the things that are about to happen. Which is interesting, I guess.

And it all has something to do with James Coburn, who owns the modeling agency that represents all these girls. He also owns everything that goes on television and wants to hypnotize people so they’ll buy shit they don’t need. And it’s up to Dr. Daddy and Lorie Partridge to stop him and save America from commercials. And yes, Dr. Daddy has to fight the ray gun guy, who is big and has a mustache.

I’d give this movie a straight unwatchable. But I’m a fair man, and I have to recognize it’s got some stuff going for it. James Coburn. A ray gun. And….

…natural boobs. Yep! And right up at the beginning too! Like the opening credits. So at least watch that part.

REVIEW: Psycho 4 (1990)

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Psycho IV: The Beginning: C+

So Norman Bates is not crazy again. He’s been released from the slam and he even has a wife who is…a psychiatric nurse. They live together in the Psycho House because of all the great memories. And memories is what we get. This is a prequel/sequel told mostly through flashbacks.

Norman seems to be doing okay until his wife tells him she’s preggers with his child. Then he starts getting all fussy because he’s afraid his child will inherit the mental illness that he inherited from Mother. He calls a radio talk show. The topic is, luckily, matricide. He says he’s thinking about killing his wife and the baby inside her to protect the world from brutal slayings. And they ask Norman to tell his story. So he does. And the flashbacks begin.

So it’s Anthony Perkins (who many might remember from 1964’s Agent 38-24-36) playing Norman Bates and Eliot from E.T. playing young Norman Bates. Playing Mother is Juliet, who we all know has great natural boobs. Even Norman thinks so and he gets punished for having a boner brush her leg while they’re wrestling. Because sex is bad and shameful, says Juliet. So she makes him dress as a girl as punishment for his boners. And Eliot is pretty traumatized to begin with because his dad died when he was 6 and he also lost his friend E.T.

But then Juliet starts banging Sledge Hammer. Then they build a motel and then all hell breaks loose because Norman can’t stop or stand thinking about his hypocritical, slutty mom and her fickle feelings about boners.

So he wastes them both and becomes like he was in Psycho One.

Then in modern day, he decides not to kill his family and puts the down the knife he had for doing that. Then he burns down Psycho House and says he’s okay now, thank you.

Passable. Pretty good acting, weird sexual tension everywhere and Juliet’s feelings about boners add up to put this in the realm of “Not a Waste of Time, at Least”. Especially if you like these characters. And it’s interesting to note that Joseph Stefano, who wrote the screenplay for Psycho One, is also the writer of this one and most likely had dementia when he wrote it. Because forgot the Juliet nude scene. That’s a senior moment if there ever was one.